More than once in the last week I’ve meant it that I cannot wait for school to reopen…It can be hard on the head to keep these boys entertained or be acting bouncer way too many times daily. But my eldest starts school tomorrow…..so a lot of mixed emotions this week. In fact I’m taken quite by surprise by how emotional I feel about him heading off. I’m excited for my son to begin, but as a stay at home mum for me, it definitely marks the end of what has been a very precious stage together. We are entering into a new one of trust and independence. Trust that those in school will care and respect my son, and independence for him in so many ways. It has become a bigger step than I realised. One that will transition well I have no doubt, but a large step none the less.
The uniform is laid out, shoes side by side, lunchbox filled, books in bag, boys tucked up in bed…they eventually stopped talking. All is ready, and I am glad to say so is he. We have had a week of swinging from not wanting to go, no speaking about it, to the schoolbag being worn throughout breakfast, so suffice to say we kept school chat to a minimum so as not to build it up. This evening he told his Nana on the phone that he was a big boy that he was going to learn how to read so he could read me a story. Melt! Is he ready….Yes…..am I?….I don’t know.
What I do know is that I will be the mom that will bring him through the door, settle him but not linger. I will be strong enough to leave even if he is upset as I know he will be ok. But I will also be the mom who will cry some tears when driving home knowing he has taken that step and so have I. Although having completed playschool this feels somewhat different. I will miss him. I nearly feel it is mourning the time we have had, the younger years. These years…they can never be repeated. It really makes me want to soak it all up even more with the younger ones. But like them we are sponges. Only able to soak up so much.
I have been a part of bringing him to this point. As a mum I am proud of that and I can only hope I have done enough, but we will continue together. Me teaching him and him me.
May they see you as I see you. May you continue to shine brightly and make others smile.